The End is Near

Whew! I thought I was ready, but I'm not. The Baby put herself to sleep tonight without nursing. I am ready to wean her, but I want to be the one choosing when. I want to know when it's the last time. So I can memorize it....every. little. detail.

She's been nursing only right before bed. And that time is so precious. Sleepy eyes, total relaxation, pudgy little baby hands rubbing and pinching and the eventual sound sleep that follows, making her completely limp, totally unaware of anything going on around her. I treasure those moments.

So when she fell asleep sitting on my lap, my first thought was, Wow! She went to sleep without nursing. On the heels of that thought was sadness.

We celebrate all the firsts and look forward to them....first smile, first steps, first words, etc. We never know when it's the last. The last time you change a diaper, the last time they hold your hand, the last time they want to read you a story, the last time you help them in the bathtub, the last time they will nurse. I didn't know that last night was her last time.

I laid her down to sleep. Then I went to soak in the tub. I sat there thinking how I was done with this phase of my life. There most likely won't be another baby; I won't be nursing anymore. And while I know that each phase holds special times and I look forward to watching her grow, I also know how fast it goes....how fast it's gone. I had such mixed emotions....

Then I heard her cry and there she was, standing at the edge of the tub, rubbing her sleepy eyes with big tears rolling down her cheeks. She missed her nightly routine too. I couldn't help but smile. Needless to say, I quickly dried off, dressed and headed to our chair where I proceeded to store up more memories of nursing my baby to sleep.

Next week, we'll stop. Maybe.