Sowing Seeds

I blew it yesterday. No patience, unkind words. Not much in the way of mercy.

I'm so thankful that God's God and I'm not. Because I sure wouldn't want to follow someone like me.

Why do I start out the day well and then as the pressures of all that needs to be done build, I crumple like a stepped on soda can? You know, the day is getting away too fast and still much remains to be done, the Baby needs some attention, Bubby is moving at his pace, etc. And the selfish me wants to be done with schoolwork, so I can move on to what I want to do. So what do I do? I choose the flesh. I get grouchy.

And you know what's the worst? At the end of the day, everything had gotten done...all of it...it always does. But at what price. Instead of sowing seeds of patience, gentleness, goodness, love, etc., which I could have (and should have) chosen to sow, I sowed seeds of anger, bitterness, impatience, etc. Seeds grow. And I know the principle - you reap what you sow. Now I'll have lots of weeding to do. ARRGHH! Why did I choose to sow weeds?

Sometimes I feel like that lump of clay on the Potter's wheel. He starts to get me shaped into what He wants me to be and then SMASH! - back into a lump.

So I'm sorry. I'm sorry that after all that God has done and the price He's paid for me that I still choose my flesh. And I'm thankful. I'm thankful for God's forgiveness. So, so thankful that it's there for the taking. All I have to do is ask.

I'm thankful for kids who are so forgiving - that seem to forget (or choose not to focus) when mom is so far from where she should be. Kids that continue to love me even when I fall.

Wow! Often times they paint a better picture of God's love than I do!

Maybe that's part of God's plan. Maybe that's part of why God called us to homeschool? Maybe God has me homeschooling more for what my kids can teach me? That's a humbling thought. But they do seem to have a better grasp than me on the important stuff.